putting on your "big-kid"pants...

With Mother's Day approaching I have been thinking a lot about my journey as a Mom and the hurtles, joys and experiences that we have had in the past 3 years. (is Whitaker almost 3-scary!)  I am sure any parent has moments that are pivotal for them as a parents, moments that are life changing or eye opening.  I know that I have many more ahead of me, too, which kind of frightens me half to death!

 

 

 

One of my most pivotal and poignant moments so far in my early-parenting career was a conversation with my sister-in-law.  After a particularly difficult therapy session with Whitaker, I went to go and pick up my baby who we will call "Chins."  As I walked into Mrs. L's house, I think she could tell I was upset.  She asked how things went and I started to tell her that things had gone poorly and I was going to go shopping and have some retail therapy.  I am a huge fan of retail therapy, by the way, just ask Paul.  She asked if I wanted to go to lunch, and I am always a fan of going to lunch too, so naturally, I said yes.  At lunch, we were talking about parenting and all the different challenges that we face everyday.  She said,

"...Sometimes you just got to put on your big-girl pants and do it...." 

 

I don't think that Mrs. L even remembers saying that or has any idea how profound on an effect that had on me-but it was one of those "ah-ha" moments i've had as a parent.  I have since reflected on that conversation and that saying, "put on your big-girl pants," frequently and it has come to be a source of strength for me.  Here's why...

 

Whether or not your child has a "special need" or not, all children have their times of trouble, whether they are 2 or 50.  There will come a time, or perhaps a few times, where your child will go through something that is so hard and go through a place that is so dark, you will worry if it will change them and if they can make it through that hard thing either physically, emotionally or spiritually.  If you don't think it will happen, I am here to tell you that it will and that the most important thing that you can do as a parent is...be a parent.  Put on your "big-kid" pants and be their Mom or Dad.  That means do what you have to do to help your child through that rough patch. 

 

This picture was taken after a meltdown during our photography session, and I was so glad that our photographer caught it, because it captures our relationship and the support that he needs from me-physically and emotionally.  To the untrained eye, this may just look like a hug, but for those familiar with spectrum disorders, I am actually giving Whitaker deep pressure to help him manage his sensory input.  Putting on my big-girl pants means giving up a lot of time and A LOT of both physical and emotional energy to go to different therapies.  We do on average 5 different therapies a week-that's a lot of time!  It means changing the way we parent, not doing certain things that are hard for Whitaker and having to remind myself to be more patient than humanly possible sometimes.  There are a lot of times where I am sooooo tired of going to therapy and battling Whitaker that I often question if I have the emotional and physical energy to do it.  Sometimes I have totally cancelled therapy because I couldn't face it.  Sometimes I have completely isolated myself because I don't feel like I had the emotional energy to have our daily "battle of wills."  Since talking with Mrs. L, every time I have felt the urge to retreat or hide, I have reflected on those words and have taken strength from them.  No one else is going to be Whitaker's parent and help him, so I need to put on my big-girl pants,
be courageous and move forward.

 

For you, it may mean helping your adult child through a divorce, your child through bullying, your baby through the NICU, your teen through a drinking problem, your son through a pornography addiction or your daughter through infertility issues.  But in those times of trouble and hardship remember that you are their parent, no matter their age, and they need you to be their parent.  I know and believe with all my heart that children are gifts and that you, as their parent, need to be there for them to help them and guide them, and in the case of adult children, support them.  Put on your big-kid pants and do what needs to be done for your child.  Be courageous and move forward.  No one else will do it for them.  You are the one entrusted with that task and privilege, and most importantly, you can do it!

I know I am inexperienced and I am sure that as my children grow I will have more and more ah-ha moments-but this was one I thought important enough to share.  I hope that it doesn't come off as self-righteous or like I know everything, because as I get older, I realize how much I don't know and how naïve I really am.  But I sincerely hope that in sharing, someone else can benefit, like I have, from some great advice!