i resolve...

hi.

welcome to the blog.

my name is jen and i am married to my husband, paul and i have three children, 2 boys and a girl.

in 2013, our oldest son, whitaker, was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.  we had the two boys at the time, and the baby was 7 weeks old.

3 years later, in 2016, our second son, Parley, was also diagnosed with autism.

when i started writing this, i really wanted a way to express how i was feeling about everything and maybe in some way share something that could maybe help someone else.  

i kind of did it half halfheartedly, i would write a post and then wouldn't post for weeks.  i was worried about people's reactions and what they would think.

but now when i go back and look back at some of the things i have written, i am so grateful that i took the time to write it, no matter how silly i may feel about it now.  i am so glad i took the time to write it, share and be vulnerable.  when i read those posts, i can remember exactly how i was feeling-and i'm grateful for that.  

i know that one day, i will be so grateful for this whole experience and i will want to remember all the moments.  the good and the bad, the funny and the sad.  so this year, i resolve to blog more and to document more.

so since i am resolving to blog more, here is a little about me.

i am the 5th out of 6th kids.  i was lucky enough to have a great family and great childhood.  yes it wasn't perfect, like anyone else's childhood, but overall, i had everything i needed, mostly everything i wanted and a loving family.  as i got older, i was fortunate enough to have older siblings who were my examples.  in high school and the beginning of college, i was really watching those siblings whether or not they knew it, and i saw that they went through things, even though they were doing everything, "right."  i had a sister and her husband struggle with infertility and IVF.  i had a brother and his wife have a child with a life threatening heart defect, who later had a heart transplant.  watching them made me realize that things were not going to go as planned, despite how well i thought i had it all planned out.  

When Paul and I were engaged, we were sitting on the couch at my parents house and we were talking about what struggles we may go through as a married couple.  we were talking about what we thought we could handle and what we thought would be too hard for us.  we both mentioned how a child with autism was something that we both couldn't handle.  we couldn't handle the rigidity, the odd behavior, the aggression.  we talked about it for a few minutes actually about how hard it would be.  

fast forward to 2013 where we are sitting in the doctors office of a developmental pediatrician who is telling me that my son has the disorder that i am terrified of.  hard doesn't accurately describe it.  

what i am so glad to say, is that even though this has been so hard, i am so grateful for the experience and i've learned so much that i want to share.

i hope you enjoy my musings and rambling about it all.  2017 is the year of documentation!

Jen